Life is just too short to sulk into something you think that you are sucked on. There are many beautiful things you can find, even in the darkest time ever. I always think that i can’t do even one thing in the right way. I always messed up the important thing, in the crucial state. And you know, not only once, but everytime it did happen, i always sulk and just want to cry out. I feel like everyone starting to see me as a hurdle, as a useless one, maybe they even hope that i can dissappear. That negative thinking, friends, always bring tears into my face, and trap me in the bird cage. I can’t fly over freely because of that feeling. The burden that always haunted me, in addition of the guilty feeling, put me in the dark mind.
But I always forget one most important thing. We’re just human afterall.
We can do mistakes. Not only once, maybe in the whole of your life you always make mistakes. But then, if its that way, then your life only fulfilled with guilty feeling, and you will even start to think that there is no reason for you to be born. No, yes no. Its totally wrong.
I still believe that the way we lived right now, the way god decided us to be born, there must be a reason. But, we will never know, what is it, what is the right answer, what is the right rules for us. I know it. But, isn’t it make the life very exciting? it means that for the whole life, we should be able to do something in the best way, then it makes the whole time we lived on, is the whole time we live for the best.
Life is just too short, you know. From the time we born, we always learn to do something. We always expect to find more and more. And for each things we messed up, we sulk, then we learn for the next to do better so that we can’t mess the same things. If it’s still happen, isn’t it time for you to say: Aaah, this is the real problem! then i should do it one more time!!
For each thing that i’ve messed up, I know, it is not so simple to just forget about it. But the only thing that i can do is to take one step further. If there is still people that still think you can just disappear, the hell with that. It is the new step we should do to change that opinion of them.
— while listening to Jonsi’s music, When i’m at my ‘dark mind’
“Eyes open wide, blinded by the sun now
Orange and white, dark red, green and yellow
Rainbow colors! Do not hide, see the view!
Step aside, go through!
Against the light, too strong, blow a fuse now
Everything bright, new songs, burning shoes
The look in your eyes! Break our bones into half!
Scream and shout and do laugh! …”
(Jonsi, “Sticks and Stones (ost. How to train your dragon 1)”)